up down turn around please dont let me hit the ground.
im on a different plane now.
and i may be in love with you already.
let's keep this a secret.
and oh, i only slept for two hours.
" i know you are a good person, so don't be so filthy.. "
i am so touched to the bones, i think i'll prolly choose this for my epitaph.
"Malice Weller is a good person.. but she was filthy. And the world shall miss that lovely contradiction.."
i sense la la la love.
this is bad. this is bad. this is bad. no this is worse.
i need the entire fire department to stub a tiny old flame out.
shite..
"this could be an opportunity if you promise to let it grow.."
no i wont let it grow.
labo.
fifteen minute break..
used up two minutes already. it's below tolerable temperature here. i sit near the window, workstation 7382. my head is aching as usual. my lips are chapping like hell. im sick of talking but i have to. i dream about getting the hell outta here. it's 12:36. four more hours to go. too many things to do.. too few chances to speak and think of the days that are no more.
back to work..
it's freezing in here. work is driving me mad. i sound drunk half the time. i hadnt a decent sleep the past weekend. i took advantage of my 48hr off. i watched superman twice hehe it's f_cking pathetic, yes. brandon routh is the hottest bastard around. he's my new office boytoy. i got his face all over my workstation. yikes i think im obsessed now hihi. well at least i have something pleasant to look at instead of some boy's fugly girlfriend's photos posted shamelessly over the internet. (insert dashboard's "vindicated" lyrics here: i am flawed but i am cleaning up so well) ok i'll shut up now.
now this is the pda to end all pda's
"tumalon kaya ako sa bangin.. para lang iyong sagipin"
(translation: i'll have ten thousand of your babies)
i dyed me hair black. im like dennis freaking rodman of some sort now. i changed hair colour three times this year. cant say if mid life crisis came twenty years too soon. im just bored i guess. rotting social life plus early adulthood angst equals mane massacre indeed.
i'll be out on friday. i'll intoxicate meself til i piss pure alcohol.
i will try my best to love my job.
i will try my best to love my job.
i will try my best to love my job.
i will try my best to love my job.
i will try my best to love my job.
i will try my best to love my job.
and heaven knows im miserable now.
i had such a long day in the office. my boss is such a prick sometimes but she couldnt be worse than i am. it's funny my life now is a stable mess. you know, when you get to laugh about all the time you've been letting everyone shit on you. im a very lucky bastard. i managed to get through all those without truly letting my guards down. i've lied tremendously - i just realised. especially with the people i have walked and dreamt and slept with for the past few years. at some point i thought it was a psychological issue, but then as a result of extensive analysing, i came to the conclusion that im just a common asshole. people use people - so they say. it just happened others were far more creative than me or maybe i found too little joy in utilising other creatures besides myself so i didnt have much time to waste on playing the opportunist. games are too much entertainment for a lazy fuck like me. so i'll prolly just amuse myself watching people bang each other then fight over whose reputation reign supreme and struggle over their waning sex appeal and prove themselves to themselves. it's a festival of cheap thrills and short-term relationships. everybody loves a bit of drama. and me, im not gunna do nothing dear. all i know is to giggle like a baby whore. spell hi-hi-hi!
to summarise what i did though, for the past weeks since the last entry, i spent a weekend in cavite sleeping and eating and staring at the telly. narnia is a freaking piece of shite. so that's prolly why i never had the slightest urge to see that film when it was launched. and before i thought harry potter was rubbish - not anymore. harry potter is good for the kids. narnia is for mongoloids. anyway..
there's this girl in the office. i dont know if it's even worth sharing, but she really makes my life worth living. for the first time i thought twice about me being desperate. it just tickles my cheekbones whenever i see her pose like she's to die for. it's like watching little miss philippines, the aiza seguerra era that is.
here's the story, if you recall me talking about a retard boy whom i had a short-lived crush on - (which actually faded 10x faster than my hair dye after he placed gigantic chikininis around me neck some months ago and i had to scrape those ugly marks with a coin for eight hours straight while taking calls) he actually was getting along with this cutesy cutesy girl and since this cutesy cutesy girl is so nuts over this retard slash former boytoy of mine, they actually found themselves attracted to each other's abnormalities - that i dont mind of course. not at all. i open-heartedly dispatched this boy so he could find his way back to the institution. but what bothers me though is the awkward atmosphere that this cutesy cutesy girl is hopelessly trying to create. i know for a fact that she feels so good about herself (fine, hands off bout that) but the thing is she is under the impression that rubbing arms with retardo hijo is making me uncomfortable. it's not that im mad about it. i actually find it hilarious. but of course, i'll just prolly let her effin enjoy that delusional state for now.
that's it for now. bleh!
